It’s often called the most wonderful time of the year, but for many of us, the holidays can be overwhelming with the demands of others and those we put on ourselves. Learning to find a balance this holiday season and setting limits may help you enjoy the season with a little less stress.
“It’s very common in our American culture to let the holidays overwhelm us,” says Amy Loden, MD, an internist with Washington University Complete Care at Barnes-Jewish West County Hospital. “Holidays are a time to be intentional and accept responsibility for what we can handle.”
There are five concerns that Dr. Loden often sees in her patients throughout the year but take on a new meaning at the holidays. These include:
- Not being physically active, which can add to our stress and affect our health.
- Not getting enough sleep, making us crabby and less efficient.
- Not eating well, particularly at the holidays, when we eat more poorly.
- Not saying no to those around us and letting the expectations of others lead the way.
- Not drinking enough water but instead drinking too much of everything else, including soda and alcohol.
Setting priorities
Dr. Loden, who cares for many women in her practice, finds they often take on too much during this time of the year. For those patients who are feeling overwhelmed, she has them prioritize what will work best for themselves and their families by doing a simple task.
She first asks the patient to write down on a piece of paper everything they need to get done during the holidays. The list usually consists of 15 to 30 things, she says.
“I then make them reduce the list to the top 10 things that, if they didn’t happen, it would be devastating,” she explains. “Then I take a black marker and mark out the other items; they are no longer on their list of things to do.”
The final step is to circle the top five things the patient feels like she must do and delegate the remaining five to others.
“It’s very hard for women to delegate, but they don’t have to be suffering. This is when you must be intentional and learn to say no,” Dr. Loden says. She adds that those women who do this task successfully often report back that their holidays were more enjoyable.
It’s important to remember that no one at the end of their life wishes they had attended one more holiday concert or party or spent money they could not afford on gifts. Rather, they wished they’d spent more time with their loved ones, she says.
Dr. Loden encourages patients to set limits, on everything from the time they can commit to others to the expenses they can realistically incur.
“You should set a threshold for what works for your family and set ground rules before the holidays even start. Be open about it and tell others, ‘I really enjoy the holidays and spending time with you, but we are setting boundaries,’” she says. “A lot of disappointment comes from unmet expectations.”
Remembering others
Dr. Loden encourages people to remember the reason behind the holidays by giving back to others. This can include remembering those who might be struggling with the loss of a loved one during the holidays.
“For those who have suffered a loss, know that there are resources in the community to help them,” she says. “Encourage them to talk to their physician, a counselor or a faith-based group, who can provide additional support.”
Finally, she urges everyone to think about those who may be alone during this time of the year, such as a single friend, an elderly neighbor or an immigrant family.
“The holidays are a good time to re-engage with others and focus on what makes us similar, not different,” she says.
Dr. Loden’s practice – Washington University Complete Care is accepting new patients. To schedule an appointment with Dr. Loden or another specialist, call 314.542.WEST (9378) or toll-free 844.542.9378 or request a call for an appointment.